Sucker Punch
by Fia Reynne
Summary: This is a oneshot I wrote in response to a friend's AntiValentines challenge. It's not happy. It's that way on purpose.


Mal Reynolds hated Valentine's Day. February always started out so promisingly, with U-Day brawls on the seventh, but then only a week later he found himself in the doldrums again. This year was no different - well, that wasn't right. It was different, it just wasn't any better. If anything, it was much worse.

Kaylee's knickers were all in a twist over the fancy young doctor. She'd got him chocolates for Valentine's Day, and Mal really had to give him credit - he'd tried to enjoy them, then he'd tried to pretend to enjoy them... and then he'd been sick. Turned out the young doc was allergic to nuts, and it was the pecan clusters that did him in. Kaylee had to follow his choked directions and give him a big old shot in the rear end. In a very sick way, it had made Mal's day a little brighter.

Now, he knew he couldn't hide in his bunk the rest of the day - he'd found an excuse to hole up down there after Wash had come to him, asking him to side with him in an argument with Zoe. Mal knew better than to go up against Zoe in anything, and domestic squabbles and the like were no different. He'd tried to back out politely, but ended up getting Zoe _and_ Wash mad at him, so he didn't dare go to the bridge, because either one or both of them would be there and he desperately didn't want to get back into it with them.

The cargo bay was off-limits, for sure. River was dancing, for one thing, and Jayne was... doing whatever it was that Jayne did when he was in the cargo bay. Mal didn't like to ask, because he generally wanted to scrub the answer from his brain with steel wool. River got kind of... airy about the brainpan when she danced like she weren't even there no more, and it was more than a little creepifying to see her spinning around down there with empty eyes. 'Course, she could be playing mind games with the merc, and that was always entertaining to watch because Jayne always got real nervous like he thought Mal was gonna space him. Mal knew Jayne weren't doing nothing to egg her on, the girl just got a giggle out of making him squirm and to be fair it was an easy enough thing for her to do, being of the female persuasion. Well, whether she was dancing or making Jayne uncomfortable, the cargo bay wasn't where he wanted to be, either.

The kitchen was definitely out. He'd had more than enough of the Shepherd's prepared sermons the last few weeks, and the last thing he wanted on today of all days was a history lesson about the Feast of St. Valentinus. The food, he would enjoy without question - Shepherd Book's culinary talents were of far more use to him than his speechification - but the lecture would keep for another day, at least. Mal had enough knowledge of the saints to balance his knowledge of sinners, he reckoned, and there wasn't much Book could tell him about any of the three Valentini that he didn't already know. His Mama may have run a ranch with 40 or so hands, but she was a romantic at heart and it had been her favorite of the sanctioned holidays, after Christmas.

Inara's shuttle. That was where his feet wanted to take him, where his heart and other less poetical and romantical sounding parts of him wanted to go. But there was absolutely nothing in the 'verse, short of a personal invitation from the Companion herself, that would bring him there on this day, of all days. Every few minutes he would have an argument with himself about whether it would really be so bad to just pay her a visit. Everyone else was so wrapped up in having a miserable Valentine's day no one had probably even thought to get her a card. Not that anyone had thought to get him a card, either. Not that he wanted anyone to get him a card.

Somehow, he found himself standing at her shuttle door, knocking. He never knocked. It was still his shuttle, whether she rented it or not, and -

"Mal," Inara said softly. "Come in."

"I just came to -" Mal frowned, confused. "Come in?"

"Yes," she smiled. "I've been meaning to talk to you. Would you like some tea?"

"Uh, sure," he replied, still baffled. "'Nara -"

"Mal, I'm leaving," Inara said, quicker and with far less coddling than she'd intended. Mal hadn't even had a chance to sit down. "I'm leaving Serenity. A client of mine has asked to engage my services for several months, after which I've been requested to rejoin the Training House as an instructor. I've told them yes already."

Mal Reynolds hated Valentine's Day.


End file.
